Barry's Baby

The National Elections of 2012 began with a titanic clash over the 2011 budget, which has been followed by a still in progress Olympic contest over raising the debt ceiling (normally done almost automatically with groans.) This death defying high wire act will lead to a gargantuan battle over the 2012 budget, assuming the country hasn't been downgraded to Dogpatch status. Then Barry's Baby will soon be upon us.

This term may not be familiar to you yet, but just wait. The existence of a baby sired by Barry Obama will surface on the internet just as soon as the Swift Boat crews can recall the details, courtesy of some Texas zillionaire just doing his civic duty to inform the public. I could be wrong about this, Michelle way be their target, involved possibly with former Rep. Anthony Weiner or former Sen. John Ensign. Regardless it's coming.

The billion dollar 2012 presidential election campaign will be the dirtiest ever, as well as the most expensive. The idea is to take your target's strongest point and then attack it, no matter how bizaar the claim. Remember John Kerry whose medals and courage were successfully sullied in the 2008 national election? So if President Obama seems decent, youthful, energetic, calm and cerebral, it is necessary to drag him down, get him to blow up and appear that he's been faking it all for the cameras.

Here's why. First, the Republican party will not be able to find an experienced candidate for president able to excite an old lady's sewing circle. On tap of that will be a string of revealing debates demonstrating that the GOP is so far to the right that it has fallen off the edge of the known world. Ron Paul will explain how we really aren't constitutionally supposed to do anything for the people except deliver the mail and defend our shores, while Michelle Bachmann will prove that the President is the Antichrist and has no reflection standing in front of a mirror. Rick Perry will probably be in the race by then, replacing Newt and Callista who will have returned to Greece. He will announce that if he loses, Texas will secede from the union. Mitt will defer appearances until the Tea Party people get off his lawn and so on. All this will prove to be so stupefyingly boring that the nation will be chanting for scandal when Lee Atwater finally reveals that he isn't dead and has actually been doing undercover work investigating Barry's Baby.

Described above is the bright side. There could be a total collapse of the world economy long before Labor Day thanks to John Boehner and the ever vigilant rating agencies. Only a few months ago, the GOP looked like it could take over the entire government in 2012, so they shot themselves in the foot by dropping "jobs, jobs, jobs" and going after unions, Planned Parenthood and grey wolves instead. The Ryan Budget, which all but 4 House Republicans voted for, went over like poison ivy at a nudist picnic as did dismantling Medicare rather than tax cuts for the rich. Then "Obama got Osama" and suddenly Boehner and those people dressed up as Revolutionary War Militia began to look ridiculous, refusing even to consider taxes on the rich or removing billions of taxpayer subsidies for big oil companies awash in profits. The idea of recouping the profligacies of the past off the backs of the vanishing middle class just won't work. Scandal maybe their only hope, so look out for Barry's Baby and remember you heard it here first.